Midnight Musings
Do you ever just think every possible scenario about what your life could or should be? Welcome to the world I am currently living in. Now that I’ve been submersed in a ‘college’ town so to speak…my wheels have been turning about my own personal life. There are certain things I just can’t get out of my head. Should I go back to school? Should I? I became overwhelmed with emotions and thoughts swirling in my head. Poor James wasn’t feeling so hot, so we knelt down to pray (something we haven’t done together in a very long time.) And as I was praying, I just got this feeling in my heart that I need to pray HARD about some decisions in my life (of course tears followed). Lately I have just felt that I went to school for the wrong thing (Business); I have however been thankful for the experiences I have had thus far. I just feel that there is something else out there, but what the heck is it???
I got my associates in Behavioral Science (was going to do social work) - but then thought I was too emotional for the job (imagine that)…but I have lots of close friends with their MSWs, in the social work program now etc…Heck, I even applied to Columbia to get my MSW about 6 years ago…obviously didn’t get in, but I tried. I somehow keep reverting back to that possibility.
Then there’s HAIR. I love hair (not mine though). I love looking at styles, playing around with Hair. I remember when I was in HS I almost enrolled in the Vocational School but didn’t b/c then I couldn’t be in the marching band or wind ensemble (nerd!)…I’ve done my fair share of wedding dos and other fun things. Although my very first hair cutting experience was with my friend Dan at BYU it was right before Christmas Break and he asked me to cut his hair, I informed him that I was highly unqualified - but he insisted. As I was using his ‘home cutting system’ (similar to the flo-bee, lol) he looked in the mirror and said “What are you doing!!!” - I got mad at him b/c I warned him, and I stormed out his apt. saying “Merry Christmas!” Of course he came over and apologized but I’m not gonna lie, it was a baaad haircut. So then there comes the thought of hair school.
It’s all up in the air right now. Everything is temporary. I do have to say, I am enjoying my new job, it’s just still in the adjusting/can I really do this? phase. I am happy to report though that I will have a life again, I am quitting Target - Friday is my last day YAY!!!! Working 4 nights a week on top of my full time job was not working for me. I am not a super woman like some are. I like my free time and I like to be able to start a load of laundry before 11:30 p.m.!!!! Hopefully my posts will be before then too.
I just feel that I am not the business type. I am not the savviest person there is and I also have no desire to climb the corporate ladder. I get joy out of other’s happiness not shareholder values or stock options. I have no idea what the stock market is at right now and I can’t do everything there is to do in excel.
As always I stress about money. There is no way right now that I can go back to school, or enroll in a cosmetology program. Or is there? I don’t know, we haven’t totally laid out the options. But I feel pressure to make enough money for us to live comfortably, I don’t want James to stress b/c his main focus is school, I get nervous that we won’t pay off our debt that we have - not that it’s huge but it’s still debt. Bottom line is that I stress over things that are entirely out of my hands. In the end I know things will work out. My faith has been replenished literally within minutes of tonight’s prayer (amazing how that works). I know the Lord has a plan for me that is unique and specific. The problem is I’m not exactly sure what he’s trying to tell me. So, to go back to school or not, that is the question.
I would think that if I was supposed to just keep doing what I’m doing I wouldn’t constantly think about other options (I mean literally all day everyday for probably the last year.) I know some of you who are reading this have heard me talk about this a trillion times. Don’t you think if I wasn’t supposed to follow another path, it wouldn’t keep me up at night?
Ok enough of a long boring post. If you made it down to this point, thanks! 
4 Responses to “Midnight Musings”
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I can relate to your quandary. It is definitely a challenge to determine your path in life…and then to take the risk! Obviously inspiration is the best guide, but I will put in my two-cents about the MSW program. I love it! I love how versatile it is, and the fact that I can do private practice and work as little or as much as I want
Good luck with your search!
What can I say, I’m partial to social work as well. Plus, at OSU they have an accelerated program that can get you through in a year! Obviously, you need to follow the inspiration that the Lord sends you. But sometimes, you just need to make a decision that seems right to you and go with it (we sometimes have to walk in the dark a bit to get some light). I’ve also found that when I’m not doing the things I should (like fighting with Jon, not saying my prayers, not reading my scriptures, not fasting, etc.) then I feel more confused and frustrated. I don’t know. I hope this helps, but it seems to me like the Lord is trying to tell you something. Be patient, take action, and have faith. He will pull through.
As long as your are looking and praying, you’ll figure out what you’re supposed to do. Have you looked into Aveda at all? I think they are a year long program, and they are local (corner of W. 10th and Neil).
Oh Steph I am not sure what to say. Just keep praying and try to be patient the Lord will let you know the way. I hope everything works out for you. Call me if you need to chat. I am always here!